How Long Before It Does Get Better?

 

  

 

 

 

 

From left to right:Gay teens Asher Brown, 13, Seth Walsh, 13, Justin Aaberg  15, Billy Lucas 15, and Tyler Clenti 18 - all committed suicide in 2010 in the face of alleged anti-gay bullying.

I’m a huge admirer of Dan Savage.  I think his It Gets Better Project is very important as a vehicle to drive the message home to those suffering from bullying and depression that there is light at the end of this tunnel - If only you can hold on.

On the project website and YouTube channel, there are many inspiring stories from people whose lives did change for the better once they moved away.

This video by Jim David for example, is one that I relate to (being of a certain age).  While the message is just as profound, being a comedian, he makes his point with some humour.  For many gays, humour is their weapon of defence.  Just ask any drag queen.

During my grade school days, sissy was the bully bullet of choice.  Those victims who could, butched it up pretty quickly; those that couldn’t, well, they were either lucky to have a protective older brother or flamed it up so much that being called a sissy lost any of it’s desired potency.

My heart breaks when I look at those faces above. Asher and Seth were only 13 years old; Justin,15.  That to be targeted by bullies because they were or were perceived to be gay is horrendous. That this was enough to drive them to kill themselves speaks volumes about the culture they found themselves in.

Tyler Clenti, a gifted musician and student at Rutgers College, killed himself because he was secretly videotaped having sex with another man in his dorm room. He was humiliated to death. He managed to survive grade school and High School, but college unfortunately wasn’t a refuge from bullies or homophobes.

When you’re thirteen years old, High School graduation is a lifetime away.  Imagining a world past that becomes a  fantasy.  And like most fantasies, it provide little comfort for someone being terrorized daily.  When you’re already in High School, it becomes more conceivable that if you can just hang on a few more months then escape is possible. 

What is it about our society, America’s in particular, that creates such a homophobic, intolerant and cruel environment that children must kill themselves to escape persecution?

That was a rhetorical question. America has become even more theocratic than ever. It is one of the most religious democracies in the world and unlike Spain or Italy who have a few pious people of their own, America is erasing the separation of church with right wing Christian fundamentalist ideology.

This is a country where a young gay person sees a country where he/she can’t give blood (male), can’t marry the person of his/her choice (in all but five States, one district and one Indian Tribe), can’t fight for his/her country and, if a LGBT couple, can’t adopt children.

Hopefully, it will get better.  Hopefully, the US will come to its senses and return to the spirit of its constitutional that promises equality and the right to the pursuit of happiness.

But telling a young teenager to hold on is not enough. Parents of bullies, parents of victims, school officials, church and political leaders have to step up and do everything in their power to put a stop to this tragedy.

A very young person doesn’t have the option to run away, but adults who are supposed to care for his well being have the power to remove him/her from an environment that is dangerous.  We do it all the time in the case of abusive families.  What’s the difference here? 

Advice from an old guy who survived.

Don’t wait until you’ve reached the end of your rope. If you’re not old enough to remove yourself from the danger; find someone who can help.  Call the Trevor Project line: 866-488-7386, 

If you are able to - run away to somewhere where you can be surrounded by a support system.  This could be a friend, a family member or a bigger city where there might be a gay area.

This won’t be the answer to all of your problems, but it will give you a safer place to work things out while finding the meaning of life.

Homophobia - Afraid to be Gay

Monday, May 17th was International Day Against Homophobia 

(tipped by JMG)

We tend to be complacent about this issue here in Canada.  But legal rights under the protection of our Charter of Rights and Freedoms doesn't always translate into equal treatment under the prejudices of our Church, government and neighbours.

 Homophobia in sports is well known to be pervasive and hate crimes, even in countries where gay protection laws are the most liberal, are on the rise. 

Is this to be expected from bigots whose backs are against the wall?

Or are these homophobes being encouraged by the incendiary proclamations of their religious leaders and self professed family values protectors?

This program from ITV in Britain sheds some lights on the subject.  Hopefully it reaches beyond the "choir".

(From Britain's ITV)

Former Wales rugby union captain Gareth Thomas uses hidden-camera footage to investigate attitudes to homosexuality, and explores why, despite all the legislation, homophobic attacks are on the rise.

Recently 'out' rugby star Thomas and ITV's TONIGHT team have uncovered stark prejudice on the streets of Britain while filming undercover. In Afraid to be Gay: TONIGHT, the programme shows Mancunian couple Nick and Nathaniel as they walk through Wigan and Leigh holding hands.

Filmed by a crew, onlookers appear on camera to voice their disapproval, but generally with a degree of good humour and tolerance. Then Assistant Producer Harriet Gill carries a concealed camera in her handbag. Taunts of "Batty boy" and "Queer" begin to fly. Everyone is alert to the possibility of violence.

The programme shows exclusive film from Thomas' coming-out party, interviews with Will Young, Dr Christian Jessen from Channel 4’s Embarrassing Bodies and publicist Max Clifford, who advises premiership footballers to delay coming out until they retire.

Current Affairs Producer Neil Barnes says the whole team were taken by surprise at the ingrained levels of homophobia uncovered while making the programme. "Britain might have some of the most liberal laws on homosexuality in Europe, but hate crime is still growing in Britain.We're proud to bring this to light in a compelling way."

Thomas also meets a teenager on the verge of suicide because of the taunts he receives about his sexuality, while an exclusive Tonight poll reveals what the nation really thinks about homosexuality in 2010.

Out in the Silence

The stories portrayed in this documentary, which I'm really looking forward to seeing, represent such an enviable amount of bravery and resilience against such a disgusting amount of hatred and religious hypocrisy.

The story plays out in many small towns and it's truly inspiring to see the conviction of self worth exhibited by people who are despised because the "visual" of what they do in bed is so repugnant.

Mirrors on the ceiling, anyone?

I've included photos from the films site: Out in the Silence

C.J. Springer was tormented at school because he is gay. Spring shot footage for the film, providing a painful glimpse into his very private suffering as well as needed comic relief from the antics he and his friends devised to entertain themselves in a quiet little town.


Diane Gramley, head of the American Family Association of Pennsylvania, protests




Kathy Springer, an Oil City resident whose teenage son, C.J., was brutally tormented at school because he is gay, sought help from Joe Wilson after reading the wedding announcement in the newspaper.


Dean Hamer and Joseph Wilson's wedding announcement, published in the Oil City Derrick newspaper.

All the colours of the rainbow...

(from Pam's House Blend) 359 people from 48 countries take part in massive global web video project to mark the IDAHO 2009

05.17.2009 - A global project to create a public awareness video for the International Day Against Homophobia & Transphobia (IDAHO) on May 17 has attracted the participation of 359 people from 48 countries across six continents around the world. The groundbreaking project is a joint undertaking of the Paris-based IDAHO Committee and the social network Gays.com, attracting 50,000 people to its website within a month.

In April, members of the global LGBT community were invited to step out in front of the camera and in their own language introduce themselves, state where they are from and how proud they are to be gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. The result is a video that sends the powerful message that LGBT individuals are present in every country, every society and every corner of the world. Participants submitted videos in all of the world's key languages, including Afrikaans, Arabic, Cantonese, English, French, German, Indonesian, Italian, Japanese, Korean, Malay, Mandarin, Portuguese, Russian, Spanish, Tamil and even American Sign Language.

When so many places in the world have laws against homosexuality and even in some cases deny it's existence within their borders, this campaign and video manages to portray in a very simple and positive way that "I'm proud to be gay."